It’s not only a children’s game, but it is something we do naturally. We follow the leader. Often times, this is a good thing. Those who have more experience can teach the inexperienced the right way to go. But what if the leader goes the wrong direction? Is following the leader still the right thing to do?

This thought can be applied to various situations, but in this article I would like to apply it specifically to the topic of sex and marriage. What leader do you follow? Who is it that is leading you? Are you led by God’s Word, by his design that sex is a gift of God to be used only within the bounds of marriage? Or are you being led by society that says sex and marriage are to be used however you please?

More and more it appears that society is the leader when it comes to this topic (even within the church). There are many today (even within Christian Churches) that believe that waiting for sex until you are married is just old-fashioned. I’ve heard comments recently that “people just don’t get married anymore”. Those comments seem to be expressing the thought that this is the way it is and we should be ok with that.

But here lies the problem: these people don’t recognize that they have allowed their thoughts and beliefs to be led by society rather than being led by the Word of God. Society tells us that living together before marriage helps you see whether or not you will be compatible. Society says that this “trial run” will help your marriage last. Yet, statistics show that this often is not the case. I’ve seen various statistics. Most statistics show that those who cohabitate before marriage are about 33%-50% more likely to divorce than those who wait until marriage. Why is this? Think about it: when someone is having a “trial marriage” (i.e. living together), there is the thought in the back of the mind that if things don’t work out, there’s the door. When this couple gets married, how do they change from that mindset?

Some might argue with my statistics. I can’t vouch for the accuracy of the numbers I have seen, but what I can say is that, in counseling various people, I have seen how, often times, sexual sins from their past are the underlying causes of their current problems. People often don’t think about how their current choices will affect them 20, 40, or even 60 years later.

Yet, when all is said and done, what is the real reason why a Christian wants to wait for marriage? Because that’s what God wants for us. In the 10 Commandments God says, “Do not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). In Hebrews 13:4, God says, “Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers.”

What is the danger of rejecting God’s clear command regarding sex and marriage? Listen to what we are told in Hebrews 10:26, “For if we deliberately sin after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire about to consume the adversaries.” When we follow society rather than the Word of God, we are placing ourselves in grave danger. When Jesus died and rose again, he won forgiveness for the sins of the world. But if we choose to deliberately reject God’s commands, we are choosing to reject Jesus’ forgiveness. Be careful what leader you follow!


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